A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.
A baby is God's opinion that life should go on.
Babies are such a nice way to start people
Sharks: [reciting] I am a nice shark, not a mindless eating machine. If I am to change this image, I must first change myself. Fish are friends, not food.
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.
In my day, socializing was going out to a party to meet people. Now, socializing is taking place via networked devices.
All year long, they've been asking us, 'Do you think, now that your show is going, is this the end of the sitcom?' ... I want to say, yes. Beyond that, it's the end of laughing and the end of smiling.
My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.